


Battlefield

by callmesigyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), No Spoilers, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmesigyn/pseuds/callmesigyn
Summary: Sometimes Rey lays awake at night, unable to fall asleep, wishing their circumstances were different. She wishes they could have been just two no-ones, meeting and falling in love with each other, but love is much more complicated when it's in the middle of a battlefield.





	Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My friend another reylo trash](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+friend+another+reylo+trash).



> Hey guys! I've been kinda M.I.A. recently but I'm back now. Just watched The Last Jedi last night and oh boy, did it inspire me to write this. Relax, there are no spoilers.

I’m a monster

I’m a monster

I’m a monster

 

It was a mantra she kept repeating to herself. Over and over again at night, when she was desperate to sleep, refusing to face any thought of him that arose before she always started to feel a strange heat pooling in her lower belly. Her mind would be forced to waver to him, though, once her mantra had been repeated enough times. The shallow words of it reminding Rey of something she said to him long ago.

 

_“You’re a monster!”_

 

Shallow words as well. With a meaning for which she forgave him for, as incredulous as it may seem, she forgave him. She _really_ did.

 

Because of that, she was forced to bite her tongue at each Resistance meeting, where they would call him just that. A monster. Rey would gaze at General Leia and project the thoughts she wanted to say out loud, but refrained from doing so.

 

_He’s not a monster._

_He’s simply lost._

 

Leia would hear her of course, being Force-sensitive herself. She would smile sadly and nod gently at Rey. She knew. Mothers always knew, even if Rey didn’t think she probably knew it herself.

 

He was lost.

Just like she was.

They were two sides of the same coin, really.

 

She remembers that day when she woke up groggily, strapped onto a reclining table-like chair and a shimmering heat of light beaming down at her from the ceiling. She remembers him, eyes like mahogany, capable of melting her into a state of confusion and the sudden yet strange will to trust him; and jet black hair. Beautiful, full and seemingly extremely silky hair. _He_ was beautiful. She refused to fully face the ramifications of these thoughts then, but she did now, not feeling afraid anymore.

 

He was more beautiful than all the words she how to describe him as. She remembers it.

 

She has never really forgotten anything about that encounter. Looking inside his mind, she saw it. She felt it as if his feelings had been her own, but maybe it was… The feeling of being alone, _abandoned_ , profoundly sad, confused and very, _very_ angry. She remembers understanding him then, letting go of her fear of him and bringing out feelings of compassion she never really needed or wanted to develop in Jakku.

 

Those feelings were scarier than him. Kylo Ren – _Ben_ –, standing at I-don’t-know-how-many feet tall, but gods, was he tall… And so perfectly masculine with a deep voice that made her shiver till this day.

 

Her friends all wonder what’s wrong with her, but she never once uttered a single one of her opinions about the man she shared a strange connection with. Poe and Finn, they often ask her about it and she always says nothing. She feels guilty but she knows that, if they know, they would just look at her funny, silently judging her.

 

They would never understand.

 

They didn’t “know” him like she did. They didn’t have this same bond she seems to have with him. In the deep forest where Rey last saw him, snow fell from the skies and his form laid on the ground, defeated… Broken.

 

She forgave him for killing Han, yet she could never forget it. She always remembers everything.

 

She remembers looking at him and thinking that, somehow, he was even more attractive with that scar running across his face. The scar she put it there. _Her_ mark on _his_ skin, forever. She remembers not killing him, although wanting to. She remembers a voice in her head telling her to kill him, but her heart ignoring it. She remembers the breath she held, escape in relief once the planet had been destroyed and she just knew he was alive. Could feel his presence, his _essence_ inside her still. That night she felt…

 

_… Love._

_Huh, so that’s how it felt like…_

 

With a shaky breath that ended with a sigh, she was defeated into admission. She loved him.

 

She loved Ky… No.

 

She loved _Ben Solo_ … And it terrified her.

 

Sometimes Rey wished their circumstances were different. She wished they could have been just two no-ones, foreign to war and politics; simply meeting and falling in love with each other.

 

But love is much more complicated when it’s in the middle of a battlefield.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, please leave a kudos or comment. It really encourages one to write more!


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